What can you say? what can you think? what can you even feel, when you know you just start to share your five senses with somebody you even love yet. A big silence begins to grow up into your belly. The girl is still too little for the word "woman". people talk , walk, ask , look..... but it is just you with your own noises inside your body. it is just you, trying to read the black and white signs that back an forth inside your brain. it is just you, with your head down, looking at your legs, waiting for your turn, guessing how everything is gonna be. Something in the very deep says you "dont do it", but we never learnt to hear those kind of voices, you always hear what you have to do, not what you really want to. There you are girl , with your stripe green sweater and your broken pants, stucked in a puddle of mud, with your eyelashes all wet, with your trembling body, your sweat hands holding your old doll, and your hair around your neck trying to hang up yourself.

-who is next? a voice yell.

You look at his eyes. Yours are scared.

-Everything is going to be as it was before. He says.

- Over here please, the voice says again.

The room is all white .

-Lay down and close your eyes, it is going to be fast "it is not even an operation".

Your hands press the bedsheets in order to asphyxiate the blame, because in the very deep you know nothing is going to be as it was before.





(This is an answer for the short story called: "Hills like with elephants " by Enerst Hemingway. )