Abused Wives, Guilty Victims

Jane is crying when the police arrives. She still holds the weapon. The gun is pointed down. She claims that she loves him. "I just need him to stop hitting me. I am sorry," she says. Drowned in a puddle of blood, the body in front of her is immobile. This is a common situation that ends the theatre of abusing relationships. Why does she had to wait until the death of her partner? Psychologists and sociologists urge us to go beyond the common sense perception to encounter the self and the society as inherent part of the abused women's weakness. Abused wives are guilty victims. I probably make a shocking statement at this time. I am a woman myself, not maried yet though. I do not found my opinion from an own experience. However, I help abused women from my continent.

Abused women nowadays are offering many "viable alternatives"(Henslin). There is not a reason to undergo an abusing marriage. Women are offered protection. Moreover, once the abuse is legally known, the abusing husband can end up in jail. Therefore, Jane (in the opening vignette) should have taken one of the plethora opportunities in front of her. Jane is from the United States. She lives there. She is ultimately protected by the law. On the contrary, I worked with women who do not even speak English. They completely depend on their husband. Some do not even know how to sign their names. All there external factors can help to understand why they are scared to leave their husbands. Jane on the other side is privileged. She can easily go on with her life. Instead she chooses to be a victim to the community's eyes.

Jane is educated. She works as a bank representative. She is a respected member of the local church, she has alot of friends. She worked hard to reach of theses statuses. There is no way, she can give them up. There are apparently to her no clean way out of this abusing realtionship. She puts herself first. "I am not going to live the shame of being divorce. I can hide the reason I am divorcing, but I still will face the failure of not being able to stay in a relationship. People have always repected me. If I cannot make this man love me, respect me, and stop hitting me, I therefore will play the victim. Everyone around me will understand and support me. I will restore my position in the society because they will look at me as a victim."

The next step is to chose the right moment. A time when everyone can hardly doubt of the necessity to kill the abuser. The lawyer will bring up the precedent. "He was a violent and abusive husband. Therefore this women was defending herself." I wonder if she could not live him. She was not "trapped" (Henslin). This is just an easy way out. I found one of the women saying, "why people want me to leave him? Who will make love to me then? Who will marry me? At this age, can I find another man in my life? I rather take it than sleeping by myself." After then, I do not feel anymore compassion for abused women. They are just manipulative women with a hidden thrist of sex. May be it even arouse them to be beaten. I once knew a community where even women believed, that being abused was a way of showing love.

Women in a modern society should take advantage of a society that protects them. Even if the abused woman gets away with the murder of the abuser husband, there is a God out there watching over us. So get out the first time that he hits you. Do not explain to us why you had to kill him.
((((((((((((((((Sorry to all the women who will be hurt by my opinion. My goal is not to hurt your feelings, but I call for less crimes. I was hurt by women who always find excuses to their abusing husbands. All the work I did for them fail because they all went back. Few are dead now, and their husbands can remarry without any worry. Many are still struggling.)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))