Abused Wives, Guilty Victims

Jane is crying when the police arrives. She still holds the weapon. The gun is pointed down. She claims that she loves him. "I just need him to stop hitting me. I am sorry," she says. Drowned in a puddle of blood, the body in front of her is immobile. This is a common situation that ends the theatre of abusing relationships. Why does she had to wait until the death of her partner? Psychologists and sociologists urge us to go beyond the common sense perception to encounter the self and the society as inherent part of the abused women's weakness. Abused wives are guilty victims. I probably make a shocking statement at this time. I am a woman myself, not maried yet though. I do not found my opinion from an own experience. However, I help abused women from my continent.

Abused women nowadays are offering many "viable alternatives"(Henslin). There is not a reason to undergo an abusing marriage. Women are offered protection. Moreover, once the abuse is legally known, the abusing husband can end up in jail. Therefore, Jane (in the opening vignette) should have taken one of the plethora opportunities in front of her. Jane is from the United States. She lives there. She is ultimately protected by the law. On the contrary, I worked with women who do not even speak English. They completely depend on their husband. Some do not even know how to sign their names. All there external factors can help to understand why they are scared to leave their husbands. Jane on the other side is privileged. She can easily go on with her life. Instead she chooses to be a victim to the community's eyes.

Jane is educated. She works as a bank representative. She is a respected member of the local church, she has alot of friends. She worked hard to reach of theses statuses. There is no way, she can give them up. There are apparently to her no clean way out of this abusing realtionship. She puts herself first. "I am not going to live the shame of being divorce. I can hide the reason I am divorcing, but I still will face the failure of not being able to stay in a relationship. People have always repected me. If I cannot make this man love me, respect me, and stop hitting me, I therefore will play the victim. Everyone around me will understand and support me. I will restore my position in the society because they will look at me as a victim."

The next step is to chose the right moment. A time when everyone can hardly doubt of the necessity to kill the abuser. The lawyer will bring up the precedent. "He was a violent and abusive husband. Therefore this women was defending herself." I wonder if she could not live him. She was not "trapped" (Henslin). This is just an easy way out. I found one of the women saying, "why people want me to leave him? Who will make love to me then? Who will marry me? At this age, can I find another man in my life? I rather take it than sleeping by myself." After then, I do not feel anymore compassion for abused women. They are just manipulative women with a hidden thrist of sex. May be it even arouse them to be beaten. I once knew a community where even women believed, that being abused was a way of showing love.

Women in a modern society should take advantage of a society that protects them. Even if the abused woman gets away with the murder of the abuser husband, there is a God out there watching over us. So get out the first time that he hits you. Do not explain to us why you had to kill him.
((((((((((((((((Sorry to all the women who will be hurt by my opinion. My goal is not to hurt your feelings, but I call for less crimes. I was hurt by women who always find excuses to their abusing husbands. All the work I did for them fail because they all went back. Few are dead now, and their husbands can remarry without any worry. Many are still struggling.)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Blessings

Blessings,
waking up today
feeling the breeze
taking a walk at the park
being able to see

Blessings,
getting a job in the middle of the crisis
living in a country that have peace
having a roof over my head
learning a new language

Blessings,
having a wonderful wife
talking to my family by skype
receiving a hug from a good friend
having a faith and a hope.

It is a blessing to see you smile even life is not perfect.

LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES!!!

Hi Ludmilla,I just want to say something about your blog.

I feel litle sad becouse you may have to change the state or go back to Brazil. I enjoy when we share time in class, but in this time life is hard, but it can be good for you may if you switch the state meet more nice people lake me, or if you go back to Brazil when you came back you can bring me a good-looking boy it can be wonderful for me. Well I just try to make your selft feels better. I hope the best in life and I know that you can do anything you want, becouse you are so smart and beautiful. The last thing I want to mention is that you can count with me like your friend and be positive ok.

I don't want say 'goodbye memphis'...

All my friends are writing here about how they are missing their countries. But today i will tell about Memphis. Because it's what i will miss in the next weeks. Will be not easy leave this city. All the time i was thinking how wonderfull could be live in NYC or Chicago, Florida or California, but now i need to leave and this makes me think how much i like being here. The weather those two last weeks it's just PERFECT, i'm loving it. Also i will miss my friends, going out with them, the parties at Carlos and Vaca's home, the au pairs and my host family too. Here i learned that the distance depends how excited you are to do something and driving alone singing can be funny. I have learn so many things, know so many people, had so many fun, and this 'little' things i will never forget!!! I'm sure i will return here some day again, yes i will!!!!

Next summer

Summer is coming.
That's give me nice feelings; sun, friends, relax, and vacation; and what? No more vacation.
This is one of the big cultural differences between USA and the other countries that I have lived in.
In the European countries you have at least two weeks vacation guarantied already from the first year you work. There are also a lot of different holidays, probably at least 10 other day during the year.
USA have only 4 July, Christmas and New Year.
People here go from home to work and from work to home.
I'm missing the small talking with friends and the extra days off with excursion to the beach by car or by train.
This summer will be different; I will spend my time in my office box working at the computer, thinking of the "Bella Italia".

I miss Guadalajara, Mexico.

The most I miss from my home town, is when I west my time with friends and family.
I miss the nice places that I was visited with them. I also miss the food, because there taste delicious. Well I miss to went I was in high school, because I was have fun with my friends and theachers. I almost forget the other important things like nature, and weather.
There in Mexico we can walke if we want to get something from the stors and restaurants also we can walke all the way to the school. But I do not miss politics, or vandalism.

I just miss my country....

Rome

Rome is one of the must city visited in Europe. There you can visit very interesting and historical places like the Coliseum, the Vatican and the catacombs, and many fountains.
There is also god food you can eat, specially pizza and ice-cream. You can meet people from all around the world that want to visit this place that everyone known as “citta’ eterna”. If you have a chance to visit Italy don’t miss Rome.